hmmm... i realized i haven't blogged for quite some time and i really kinda missed tabulas. so i wanted to come back online and tell all you people what a wonderful time i had these few days going out with friends until 10pm plus. Went dinner with konno on friday night; belated bday celebration with stell ytd (remember that entry a few weeks ago with a lot of portions censored out for later viewing?); movie with jr and konno today...

and my bedroom light won't blurdy come on. see, the thing with it is, the starter is loose. we'd changed the lights and starters and wires already; but it'll still break down on me once every six months. And then i'll use a broomstick to hit the light until the connection is made and the light comes on.

 its become pretty routine now.

and now i can't switch it on. its really HOT here, and i'm this idiot standing in the dark in the middle of the room prodding this DEAD overhead light with a broomstick. for 10 minutes. and sweating like a big fat pig. growls.

What's the point? the point is that i'm very very pissed off now and i'm typing in the dark; opening my eyes every few minutes to check wat i'm typing on the screen coz otherwise the computer screen is too bright for me. and shoot me if i'm going to stay on here for longer den necessary.

 ...i guess this is the Guardian of the Room saying to me "It is time you read that library book and had an early night's rest."

and hopefully tomorrow the light will come back to normal. becauseno one in this house can be bothered to fix it, including me. arghz!

i'm living a pauper's life here!!!!! (dysfunctionable facilities, hand me down clothes, low paying job, mangly looking pet, three people squeezed in one room to sleep [to save electricity] and bread for breakfast) and that's the packaged truth ^ ^ 

i could smell the aroma of baking. and something getting burnt 3 doors away from my house at the lift lobby.

 sho the gals came to my house today to bake cookies and brownies. the cookies were.. a disaster. but my heart-shaped cookies turned out the best of the batch, hee. (but i refused to let them eat mine, haha) basicallly that's coz i baked mine separately in a smaller oven and they're all a standard size and thickness, so they baked uniformly. many of the thinner ones in the big oven were so burnt they turned to dust literally. i think i ended up with more cookies~ =D

the brownie was better. even better than some cake shops, i must profess. we added 25% more chocolate den recommended, and... 150% more walnuts. but somehow the top crust is very hard, and when we cut the cake, it just... *earthquake*. but appearance aside (its just.. crumbs by the time we cut and separate and take out and bite) it tastes great! and guiltily so. (omg, 2 cups sugar! half slab butter!)

and.. we wanted to go and play basketball downstairs while waiting for the brownie to bake. its pretty much why yuting came over to my house at all today. and there's this bunch of blockheads that are playing soccer on the basketball court. and they refused to even let out half a court to us. its like.. idiots! imbeciles! may it rain acid on your bald black brainless little peas of a head!

at least yuting shot a hoop (on her first try, so at least we looked professional before we scampered off with our tails between our legs back to our little abode) irritating.

 and i shall spend the rest of my night cursing those stupid indian guys.

just borrowed the book "Howl's Moving Castle" by Dianne Wynne from a friend. read the first chapter, and its got me into a rather wistful and dreamy mood.

actually the main topic for the day should be that i went to borrow a non-fic The Message of the Sphinx by Graham Hancock. hafn't gotten to reading it yet, but. sigh. i just rediscovered my interest in old relics and mythologies.

my dream was to travel around the world with my loved one having fun, and looking at the old buildings, artworks and weirdities i read about in books. its really fun. wasn't that why i decided to go into finance, so i can gain experience in investing, so i can park my finances into equities and be financially free? so that i can go travel around the world in ease?

somewhere along the way i totally derailed and went into a deadlock where all i could see, and planned for, was this constrictive and committed job in an office. no wonder i'd been feeling so lost lately.

ah~ just spent the last two hours looking for a scan of a picture i saw a long long time ago. kare kano, vol 9, last chapter. there was a really apt picture of sakura and tonami standing against the backdrop of an old architecture in egypt.

i really like the series. darn, why isn't anyone scanlating it? 

*blinks*

 yep. i'm still feeling kinda panicky. also sleepy. as in... Sl33pYyyyy....

reached home at the latest ever timing recorded. 1am. was watching Kingdom of Heaven (it rawkz~ really!), 9.45pm show at Orchard. ended at 00.10am. miraculously my parents didn't call me; i was convinced they forgot i existed. in the end realized the cinema had some blocking thing so i didn't get any missed calls. =P

JR's parents sent Thong and me home, thank goodness. 

den i woke up this morning at 7.30am thinking there was something i had to do. went back to laze until 8am, when i realized... shit. i have a driving exam in July, so i need to book lessons in July and.. booking had started 8 hours ago.

Rushed up and switched on the computer. and the website screwed up on me! couldn't confirm, couldn't choose course, kept redirecting me to the wrong places, operation timed-out... i spent around 1.5 hours screwing around with it and getting screwed.

brushed my teeth, had my breakfast, changed and cleaned up (ok, don't ask) in front of the com. in the end was late for 20 min for the Japanese lesson.

and... apparently SOMETHING is wrong with me, coz i keep mispronouncing all my words and my brain circuitry does not work, i can't focus, my mind keeps wandering. i was/am an idiot! either its lack of sleep or the remnants of my panic attack yesterday, anyway, after i get Bleach i'm off to bed. 

again, must i mention Kingdom of Heaven is nice? i just wish that woman would get out of the picture. 

eh.. no. this is not about my university decision. but i guess i'm pretty settled in NTU. hahaz. just can't give up my SMU application...

i've decided... TO QUIT MY JOB! yay! coz i was reflecting about my uni life, and i realized.. if i wanna try to take up double major and a minor and enough cca points to let me stay in hostel for year 2... i'm going to be a walking corpse.

so wat the hell am i doing devoting my precious 6 months of holiday to one single career i'm not even considering at all! i want to freelance and try more things in my holiday! have more fun! go overseas! take on 2-days temporary jobs!

if i'm able to, i'll quit at the end of this month. den... well, lets consider about the 'den' later. 

and, the worse news is. i'm getting braces. lalala~ the stupid clinic just approved my application la! (i applied early JC -___-) coz i was trying to get a subsidy from the MOH, so it dragged... and queued... and dragged..

and i'm going to look like a total geek complete with specs and braces the first day i step into my much-dreamed-about, happy and accomplished university life. ARGHHHZzzzzz! i'm officially disappearing off the surface of the earth until i get the blasted metal things off. 

its not on yet, its not on yet! 

yay~ i just got down to finishing Tsukihime at last. quite nice. its rather slow moving, but i guess any faster, and it won't be Tsukihime.

while most people just feel quiet or empty, i'm somehow feeling rather rebellious after watching the series. actually, bloodthirsty. 

so i went down to the airport to see my aunt off; and somehow the cardreader could not pick up my card while boarding the bus. i rumaged through my bag, and can't find my card wallet. so... i went over to the bus uncle and slotted in 60 cents.

he requested for my student pass.

i was like, diaoz! if i had i my pass, i won't need coins would i?! that's ten cents more lehz! bantered for a while, while i tried to explain to him that i wouldn't HAVE a student pass on me, until he decided that heck, i should just pay the adult fare. 

i've nothing to say to that. just rather peeved that he's so kang chong. i think he did that purposely coz i looked like a chinese student, or a chinese woman out to nip a few cents from the system. (disclaimer: i did that purely becoz i was feeling rebellious and up to evil)

and in the end i found my bloody card! it somehow slipped into one of my bag's hidden pockets! so i was contemplating waving my student pass in front of him and making him feel guilty for giving me such a hard time when he let me off at the interchange, and i'm alighting through the front door. in a diplomatic manner of coz.

and we reached the interchange... and he did NOT open the front door. so i had to get off through the back; i'll seem too immature if i went all the way to the front and go all the way back again.

so i decided to change my plan and walk in front of the driver and wave my pass with my beautiful picture at him from outside. he looked away!!! arghzzz!!! i'm just going to be another unnamed passenger he pissed off that would just disappear from his memory!!! he'll feel no guilt! he'll even think he did something great and brag of it to his friends! and i'll live with this indignity forever, never getting the satisfaction of seeing the look of comprehension and apology cross his face! noooOOO!

erhem. oh, so anyway, i accepted NTU, and i'd be bunking with YY (unless we get into a horrible fight within the next two months which is pretty unlikely) and.. there's something i wanted to sae, wat was it?

 oh! star wars! we got free tix from the company (our seniors gave them to us) to watch it on riday. oookae larz... the battle choreography could have been much better. the ships look like they are barely moving even though we know they're going at like 800 miles per hour. and... anime swordplay looks smoother and better. really.

and they made Obiwan Kenobi SAMA look like a wimp!

yoda is cute.

and i officially terminated my contract. ends 31 May. yay! 

eh, my handphone just broke down on me in the middle of an outing with rena, angie, laura and teen. we were celebrating rena's bday; its been like, more den a year? since we last met, but it seemed like just ytd. ah well.

point being. my hp broke down! well, i changed to my current model in dec 2004; and in january, the HP started restarting when i'm in the middle of sms-ing. just when i'm about to dump it to repair, it started functioning ok again. so its been on and off like this for the whole part of the year.

and today, it just switched off on me and refused to switch on again!  i had to borrow teen's hp to sms; and i think i shouldn't have done that. landed my friend on the other end of the line into a spot of trouble.

totally pissed off, i decided to just go and repair it. after hearing all those scary stories of irritating and obnoxious counter staff refusing repair service to my friends, i was presently surprised to have all the procedures carried out so smoothly for me.

it was a pity i had to wait and wait and wait... in the end they agreed to send my hp to repairs, but, after sitting in the shop for 40 min, they told me that all the memory in my phone would be erased. *mind blanks out*

what can i do?!

thank goodness i have the habit of rereading all my precious saved messages in my folder when i'm bored, so i guess i have everything etched into my brain by now. but still! SOBZ! hopefully... hopefully... 

but i was feeling rather apologetic by then for having put her through all that trouble, so i just requested her to go ahead. and i got another handphone on loan to replace my current one.

its a... Philips Ozeo. i loved it at first glance. it was black and cuboid and bulky and heavy - it was an antique (2000). it was the closest descendent of the walkie talkie i'd ever seen in my life. so its really rather cool.

but when it vibrates it feels like the world is falling apart on me; and i'm not used to the sms-ing program so each sms takes half an hour to slowly type; so. don't. sms. me. if you can help it. please.

 thank you~

 but ozeo-san is really rather cool! or maybe i just have a fetish for old obsolete things.

and toking of old - The Mystery of the Sphinx by Graham Hancock is highly recommended if you like ancient history! 

erg.. i'm sick. cleaned out two packets of tissue in the office today.

 ERGGGgggggh....

well, the night i accepted Nanyang Tech. Uni, i had this nightmare. i was walking in the garden, and i met this super nice middle-aged man who was a professor. so we chatted about unis... and he said "You'll like to go finance? You can't go to NTU! You should go NUS!" And i got hit by this overwhelming feeling of dread.

And just yesterday, i was walking along with my friends, and i was toking about how "my family members all went to Nany..." and i tripped and fell and my shoe strap broke. you know how they say in japan if your strap breaks for no reason at all its a bad omen. of coz there's a reason, but... *brrrr*

 i'm all the more adamant not to change my choice now. hymph.

 now, bed. i'm so sickkkk...... (clock: 9.15pm)

today is yy and px's bday! so we bought a disgustingly pink cream cake for yy in the morning to act as a diversion from her actual surprise gift, the Merci chocolates in her cupboard. the surprise failed... sighz.

 den my seniors decided to treat us to lunch today, as a 'farewell lunch' to me. lalala~ went to this restaurant for steak. wow! its the first time i saw my senior eating! and the first time after so long that i talked with the two guy seniors. pity i pissed them off though; misguessed their age by more 5 years. wahaha! was VERY full. and it was very fun too.

den when we went back to the office.. the director decided to treat everyone to cake coz his daughter is getting married. 

and i'm still feeling pretty horrible now... *migraine* 

and, after mandragora-hunting for 2 weeks, i'm starting to think 4 leaf clovers are a myth. i want a bunny band~ 

i'm feeling miserable. actually i feel like i'm going to die. my head is rolling off my shoulders, my brain is cooking in my skull, my eyes are puffy, my nose is swollen, my lips are chapped, and someone pickled my brain in sour sauce, it feels really constricted and squeezed. and my joints are aching, my windpipe is blocked, my throat is DRY, i can't speak and not sound funny, and i'm gonna come down with pneumonia and DIE any second now.

 i shouldn't be sick. i can't fall sick. i'm incapable of falling sick. after falling hopelessly ill (for 2 or 3 weeks at a stretch) for the fifth time for two years, i'm still sticking to the infallible principle that the only viable cure for colds and flu is 'more sleep and more water'.

i'm just going to DIE in my sleep coz i'm going to suffocate to death coz my nose is going to be blocked and my throat is going to be too dry to respire and my body is going to cook, and my parents are going to wake up to see a dry bacon stick on the bed in my place.

actually i'm not just feeling miserable. i'm feeling extremely cranky and illogical and unreasonable and MEAN as well. and to prove that point i came up with an elaborate plan to fill up... one.. two... three... four... paragraphs of senseless endless ramblings about how miserable i feel so as to get everyone's morales down and make you as miserable as i am. a-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

i'm going to die... 

...and i'm officially jobless now! wahaha! quitted! the administrative people seem very efficient in logging me out of my computer account; at 5.30pm my computer cannot be logged into anymore. haha.

 somehow i was suddenly hit by a senseless bout of nostalgia. and i felt like i was sixty and about to retire, and i suddenly felt so helpless and useless and frail and vulnerable, and.. wasted. yep. basically, useless and wasted.

doesn't it feel sad if you're going to leave this community, and the next day everything would just go on as per normal, except that it'll be an empty chair where you used to be? then everyone would go on their work as usual, and eventually forget about you, and someone else would sit in your place; and you'll think - what did i do in my 5 months/30 years here? did i make a difference at all? it wouldn't matter if it were someone else in my place all these time.

heh, but i'm not really sad. pretty hyper today actually, coz i got  messages in the morning wishing me 'happy' hols and happy 'retirement'. and i wasted a lot of time going around taking photos with everyone. i looked horrible as usual (can't resist: a quote from a manga - "I know people like you... they say "i'm soooo unphotogenic!" Jeez, how pretty do you think you are?) but everyone else looked great so i'm happy ^ ^.

and the new permanent staffs gaf me a good bye prezzie! a dog handphone holder and pencil case.

and i was in a great mood all day. although i got a bit car sick when going to the driving centre; too sick to hold a convo with the taxi uncle, which is a pity, coz he was a really nice guy, and it seemed like i dao-ed him -feels bad about it-