i just went by konno's blog and spotted this test. with nothing to do (its the middle of my lab tutorial now) i tried it.

it just cruelly peeled off my mask of indifference -_____-

"Enough is enough - and you feel that you've had enough for a while. You don't need any more battles. You just would like to be able to shout 'stop' and experience a little peace and calm - even if it be only for a little while. This doesn't mean that you need to cut yourself off from the rest of the world - it just means that you are seeking some respite, some physical or emotional relaxation that could release some of the the tension and possibly reduce the internal conflict.

Of late, everything seems to be going so slowly - far slower than you anticipated - and this is causing you much anxiety and frustration. It would appear that there is little you can do about the series of events that now seem to be taking place. In spite of the fact that you feel like 'giving up' - don't. Take a deep breath and start over again and you will find that eventually the expression 'All's well that ends well' will have an extra special meaning for you.

You are feeling under considerable pressure and you are being forced to make concessions. You are not particularly happy with this state of affairs but you feel that you have no alternative. If you were to force issues you would be left out or completely ignored by one and all.

You are experiencing considerable stress which is essentially the result of on going rejection and hostility. You are in the unpleasant position where offers of trust, affection and understanding are being withheld and you are being treaded with a degrading lack of consideration. You feel that you are being denied the appreciation that you deserve, which is essential to your well-being and self-esteem, but you have to face up to the situation because as matters stand at this time there is little that you can do about it - you feel that you are getting nowhere and the continuous struggle is a lonely one: all difficulties and no encouragement. Whatever you try to say or do is met with continuous hostility and no matter how much you protest you are consistently misunderstood. You need to escape from the situation but you are so perplexed that you cannot find the strength of mind to make the necessary decision.

You wish to safeguard yourself against criticism or conflict and to embed yourself in a protected situation. You are a difficult person to relate to and very difficult to please. "

Rawrgh~~~!!! it just stabbed my festering wound and ticked me off once again!  

Its the project work, really. I'm getting a MC for the paper and retaking the entire module next year. Yea, it'll screw up my year 3 plans and schedule but... i really can't afford to get a D on my transcript now. rawrgh.

oh, and i need to get a new comb. its been lost under the rubble of school-quake and i think all hope is lost for recovery. number of days it had gone under: 4.

basically. i get highly influenced by the manga i read. it affects my dressing, my mood swings, my actions and attitudes.

so i can basically blame it all on the influence of Tenjo Tenge that right now i'm imbued in a murderous rage towards... someone. hmmm... actually its not that much that i would like to smash his head into a concrete wall.

more like, petty vengeance and spite? which pretty much only bubbles way way way below my consciousness normally and doesn't get  triggered until that once in a blue moon that i get majorly pissed off.

i'm angry dammit!

i'm out for blood! for blood-soaked justice! for an equalizing blow that would ensure that what he receives is equal to what he gave, even if i have to tax this off of something else. 

but i'm not gonna do anything except rant about this injustice.

sheeesh, i sux. (-____-)

 

 

i've a test this morning at 8.30am. i am able to work better after moving around, so i set my alarms to ring 6.45am. 6.55am. 7.00am. and somehow i fell once again into deep slumber even after all the alarms had rang and been disabled.

i suddenly jolted awake from dreamland with a really bad feeling that something is wrong. remembering my quiz, the only thought i had was 'oh holy shit man.'

it was 8.15am~!!! by rushing off without brushing my teeth i managed to reach class only 5 minutes late! 

and after class ended, i hung around outside for 15 minutes, and my long lost project mate suddenly emerges from one of the classrooms. *snarl~ pounce~ dumps work!*

its beautiful, wholesome luck. luck. it was only today that i suddenly felt like there was this nice, cute little angel-sprite watching over me, and keeping me from the the worst of disasters. thank you, miki-chan~

its the second time u'd saved me from over-sleeping with dire consequences~! umu~ (L)

its the first day of exams~~~ and its ben and jerry day. made a futile trip all the way down to white sands ben and jerry outlet, and realized the queue is so darn long. it folded back upon itself three times. -____-

so in the end i just went to NTUC to buy ben and jerry tub ice-cream for $11.50. utter waste of money, but - my dad paid for it. haha.

totally demotivated to study now. the paper was horrible. it was a pretty feel-good morning too; i woke up at 5am on my own accord very afresh. i finished my SPSS book early. i finished the entire series of Bremen. the birds chirped. the auntie said hi. the breakfast didn't spoil. i had pants in my wardrobe to wear. i found my friends at the exam hall early to chat.

and i was seated second to last in the exam hall, and right beside woon. yay~

the first question was easy; i opened my book and copied everything down.

the second question was... inprecise, i didn't really know what they wanted as the scope was so broad... but i just copied everything relevant down anyway.

35% complete! 6 pages of sribbly black lines, and -gasp- only half the allocated time left.

in question 3 i saw my lecturer's name in the scenario provided. and i suddenly had this really bad feeling. the question went like this:

"tom, a manager in a big research firm, wants to develop a measure... ... ...and asked his assistant, I***o to do it. I***o pre-tested the items, and brought the results back to tom. tom expected him to run a Cronbach alpha test, but what I***o brought was a simple correlation table as below. 

...

tom yelled at I***o and ordered him to run Cronbach alpha test again. However, I***o who has a problem with authorities kept insisting that the table above is good enough...

a) do you think I***o is right? based on the table above, can you roughly guess what the last column of the table below ... ... looks like? Fill in the blanks in the table below. (10m)"

i actually naively thought that all that was required was the answer to the last part of the question. i did a little jig with my pen thinking that 'yay' i might actually have time to finish all the questions within the hour if all the statistical questions were like this.

thank goodness i stopped myself in time. considering the fact that i spent 2 pages on a previous 10m question, it seemed highly inprobable that wat was required was just 5 measly estimated values. 

i spent a while deliberating if i was required to answer the first two questions as well. in the end i decided to heck it all and crapped one big chunk on whether my lecturer is right, although i had no idea wat to say. 

the second question was a bomb-drop on the head. 8 part questions, where a scenario was given, and one has to name an appropriate test for each. i read the question. a dozen different solutions and interpretations came to mind, and i didn't have the luxury to sort out all my thoughts.

i skipped to the last question with only 20 minutes left on the clock. the first part was a definition question. with the left hand i hurriedly flipped through the index while i scanned the second part of the question.

the book closed on itself, and i tried my best to cook out a definition from my failing memory. then i scribbled down a lengthy looking answer that touched on a few relevant points. 10 minutes left.

i went back to the previous question, wrote down all available choices and inserted them in random order into my answer. 

time's up! i frantically scribbled a few nonsensical keywords. hopefully one of the answers hit the jackpot.

2 hours. is over so fast.

and i'm utterly demotivated now. next exam next wednesday afternoon. 

 

i'd watched the first half hour of this anime before, while AXN still had anime marathons. *sob - i miss the good old days* i didn't really like the female lead, although the story seemed very promising.

then one day i was surfing around youtube and whoa, i found this video. Alien 9!!! its a really good clip, you should watch it! you wouldn't be able to find the anime for download though.

 

i've an exam tomorrow. i didn't study. i screwed up my project because of - er-hem. i want to retake it another time.

so i need an MC!!!!

after lunch i started wolfing down Pringles BBQ flavour like there's no tomorrow. i didn't drink any water. my dad went to buy hot curry puff. and at 4pm, my temperature was a miserable 37.3C.

more pringles, and walking in and out of an air-conned room. at last, it hit 37.7C and i happily ran off to the cluster of 3 clinics near my house. it was 5pm. the clinics are closed from 4.30 to 6.30pm. dejected, i walked off home with my tail between my legs.

i just couldn't be bothered anymore. my stomach was starting to feel queasy. i was getting a serious headache from all these.

in the end, my dad drove up, and sent me off to the family clinic (last visit was 5 years ago; i just don't fall sick anymore - if i do, i either end up in the hospital A&E or get subjected to the torturously large pills and bitter medicine at the Chinese Traditional Sensei)

i registered a slight fever. i was seriously looking queasy. he asked me to get onto the bed and proceeded to press my stomach.

i was getting this bad feeling that =shit, i can't fake this=

when 'owwww~' it seriously hurt.

i can't help myself asking "hey, if u press that hard, won't it hurt for real?"

he said "if there's nothing wrong, it shouldn't."

so yay. i'm seriously diagnosed with gastric pain now. and i still seriously have a headache now; must be all the stress.

but the doctor was sooo nice~ *idolizes* it's been a really long time since i'd seen one, but he was seriously so nice~ he was lit with a 'knight-in-shining-armor' light all around~ *melts*

and my mum went on a spat of furniture moving around again today; when i came down from studying, i realized that - whoa, two cabinets switched places; one of which was originally hidden behind 30 odd kilograms worth of boxes of chicken machinery.

my mum's a superwoman. we're still joking about how one day we'll come home and find her pinned under a wardrobe at the bottom of the stairs. highly probable scenario, mind you, but a quite impossible accident given just how strong she is.

my mum. a superwoman. i aspire to be like her. you know, like natsumi tsujimoto from You're Under Arrest. super strength, super endurance.

anyway, she managed to pull out her graduation album from the mess from the old old cabinet, together with many old books that we thought had been lost in the move 10 odd years ago.

my dad was really really really handsome. really really really handsome. i wish i have my scanner with me now and i can show it to you. (together with some of his classmates) >__<

and we flipped through the book looking at pictures of good-looking guys and girls; and he seemed to know just about everyone of them i pointed out; who they are attached to, what they are like, family background...

you go, dad. 

it was a 2.5 hour long paper. loong loong paper. i completed 15% worth of "please show that..." questions using trial-and-error in the last 3 minutes just before the examiner said "okie, pens down~". wow. my fingers must have punched the calculator keypad into dust.

it wasn't a particularly long paper. just 10 T/F questions, and 3 structured questions.

%#&! ever heard of a true-false question that is one paragraph long?!

just imagine the pain~~!! the trauma~~!!! of painstakingly thinking and rethinking through every single word written there - are there any special cases? are there hidden implications? this small word here doesn't seem to make sense, is it just the phrasing? after 5 minutes of staring and pondering at the first question i felt like my brain had been tied up into big round loops.

and our tutor had happily told us - to differentiate the lucky guys who chose based on gut feel and those who do know what was going on, the questions would be 3 marks, and 1 mark would go to the small short sentence of explanation. its a fantastic idea, and its also great that we can validate our case. its just quite nerve-wrecking watching my 1% worth of a small short sentence grow into 5 thick black lines of squiggly text. 

and the structured questions were easy~ just that, once again, yours truly don't have the formula. oh, and did i mention we were allowed to bring in a double-sided A4 sheet of handwritten personal note (called a cheat sheet) into the examination hall?

i woke up to compile the best and most compact piece of note you'd ever seen. while looking around the room, yes! my note has 40% less white space then anyone else's. i even copied down entire standard essay answers and standard definitions into it.

and once again, i missed the target. boohoo.

so i had to resort to trial-and-error to get the answer i needed out. my answer sheet has numbers cancelled and re-written 4 or 5 times. and in the end i got the answer~~! the exact answer~~~! just that although part a and part b were finding the same value in the same scenario, the values plugged into the formulae were different. hmm... non-financial people wouldn't understand.

eg.

Number of butterflies in garden A = (X + C) / F where X is the garden number, C is the number of worms and F is the amount of love in the air = (1 + 888)/13.

Number of butterflies in garden B = (X + C) / F, just that this time, I input the number of legged worms in the C value.

ok, you still don't understand. nevermind. 

but no matter how stupid and silly, its always a good feeling writing down that elusive '(shown)' word at the end of your solution. ahhh~